This Time Is Ours
by amanipaz
Summary: Missing moments from Meredith's pregnancy in season 9
1. Our Love Remains

**I waited for 9 seasons for a McBaby and to see McDreamy take care of a pregnant Meredith and as much as I loved the story this season, I felt a little let down that there wasn't all that much Meredith/Derek interaction during her pregnancy. So this story is my attempt to fill in some of the missing moments, starting with Meredith finding out she is pregnant. So...**

**From: I Was Made For Loving You **

* * *

Meredith rolled over and realized that she had woken before her alarm clock went off. She looked over and realized that her husband wasn't in the bed next to her but then she heard the sound of his laughter coming from down the hall along with the giggles of her daughter. Meredith smiled and sat up, taking a moment to remind herself that no matter what, she was lucky to have her little family alive, even if they were still struggling to recover from the plane crash. As Meredith moved to get out of bed she suddenly felt a wave of nausea wash over her for the second morning in a row. She jumped up and barely made it to the bathroom in time to throw up in the toilet. She tried to be as quiet as possible, not wanting Derek to hear her. Even after multiple years of marriage, she still didn't like for him to know when she wasn't feeling well. He had always been one to hover and she had always been one to hate the hovering. As soon as she finished vomiting, she got up and brushed her teeth, wondering what had brought on the sudden sickness. Once she felt like she looked presentable enough not to set off Derek's radar she went into the kitchen to find her husband and daughter.

She entered the kitchen and found Derek helping Zola put jam on her toast.

"Good morning my love," Meredith said as she kissed Zola on the head. Zola picked up her toast and showed her mom what she was eating.

"Mama! Look!"

"Wow Zola, that looks so yummy! Good morning Derek," she said as she walked over and kissed her husband.

"Morning, you want something to eat?"

Meredith suddenly realized that despite having been sick only moments before she was starving.

"Actually yes, I'd love something," Meredith responded with smile.

Derek reached over and placed a plate in front of her with toast and fruit.

"Zola, your daddy is still trying to turn mommy into a health nut like him," Meredith said to her daughter as she took the food, "but we do love when he feeds us, don't we?"

Zola responded by dropping her toast on the floor.

Derek picked it up and gave her a new piece, making her laugh.

"You remember we have that staff meeting this morning right and I have to meet with Callie?" He asked Meredith

"Oh yeah, I'll be ready to go in time. Arizona is coming back to work today. Maybe things can start to feel a little more normal now."

"Well, our new version of normal anyway," Derek said holding up his braced hand.

"This is not your new normal Derek. You're going to be back in the O.R. in no time, I'm sure of it. Just wait and see what Callie says this morning."

"Yeah…why don't you go take a shower and get dressed and then we'll be set to go?" Derek said in an attempt to change the subject.

"Ok," Meredith had only eaten a few bites of her food but was already starting to feel sick again so she jumped at the opportunity to get out of the room before she threw up.

Meredith made her way to the bathroom to vomit for the second time that morning. She then got into the shower and while she was there she began to try to figure out what was making her sick. She ruled out food poisoning, as she ate the same thing as Derek and Zola the night before and neither of them was sick. She didn't feel sick enough for it to be the flu. Maybe she was beginning to get a virus. There was another thought that entered her mind for the briefest of seconds before she squashed it down, knowing that it was not possible. She went back to her thoughts of a virus, hoping that she wouldn't make anyone else sick. She finished getting dressed and joined Derek and Zola in the car.

In the car, Derek reached over and took Meredith's hand, "Are you feeling ok? You look kind of pale and you didn't eat much."

Meredith had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at him. Of course he would notice if something was off with her. "I'm fine, just didn't sleep enough."

They got to the hospital and dropped Zola off at daycare before heading to their staff meeting.

After the meeting, Meredith once again found herself feeling sick. She vomited just before getting a page from Wilson about a difficult patient. The thought that she had squashed down earlier once again crept back into her mind but Meredith immediately stopped it before seeds of hope could be planted.

After her fourth trip to the bathroom to be sick, Meredith decided that she couldn't ignore the nagging feeling in the back of her mind any longer. She let the idea actually enter her mind. Was it possible that she was pregnant? She was a few days late but with all of the stress lately, that hadn't even fazed her. She decided that before she could let herself get too carried away with her thoughts, she needed concrete evidence one way or another. She knew it was highly unlikely, after all, they had tried for years with no results and now since getting Zola, they weren't actively trying anymore, though they weren't really doing anything to prevent it either. She decided she had to know, now, so she snuck into the supply closet and stole a test.

She went into the bathroom and made sure no one else was around before she took the test. After she peed on the stick, she waited, three long minutes. When the time was up, she looked down and was utterly shocked to see a plus sign appear. A part of Meredith wanted to jump for joy at the sight of that but a bigger part told her not to believe what she saw. Meredith was a skeptic at heart, no matter what Derek had said earlier about her newfound optimism. She had experienced enough heartache in life to know that she always needed to be prepared for the worst. She knew that she couldn't say anything to Derek until she knew with one hundred percent certainty that she was pregnant because he had never learned the art of preparing for the worst. He would be ecstatic only to have his hopes dashed if it turned out to be a false positive. Meredith walked out of the bathroom and saw one of the interns passing by.

"Wilson!" She called out to the passing intern.

Wilson stopped dead in her tracks, horrified at having been summoned by Medusa. She slowly turned to face Meredith.

"I need you to take my blood, right now. And if you ask me why or if you tell anyone about this, you won't see the inside of an O.R. for a year, do you understand?"

"Got it," Wilson responded. There was no way she was going to ask any questions where Medusa was concerned.

Once Wilson had drawn her blood, Meredith took it down to the lab labeled as a Jane Doe and had them run a pregnancy test.

Meredith spent the next hour trying to focus on her patient, having discovered his brain tumor to be the cause of his constant grabbing of inappropriate things. Despite her best attempts to focus, her mind kept wondering back to that little plus sign. Finally, after an hour, the lab paged her to let her know her results were ready. She made the trip down to the lab, each step making her feel more nervous.

She picked the paper up from the lab tech and opened it slowly. She scanned down the page and nearly fell down when she realized that the labs had confirmed her previous test. Despite everything, Meredith Grey was in fact pregnant. She made her way into a supply closet knowing that she was going to cry any moment. She was equal parts thrilled and terrified. When she opened the door to the closet she found April Kepner inside. Meredith immediately blinked back the tears and put on her best "I'm fine" face. When April began talking to her, Meredith suddenly realized how different her life was now than it used to be. Five years ago, she would have been terrified that she would be raising a baby alone, like April seemed to be at the moment. But now Meredith knew that Derek was going to be there for her and for their children, through anything life might throw at them. And suddenly she felt as if she couldn't wait to tell him. The last time she had been pregnant, she had never gotten the chance to give him the happy news. The news had become tragic before he even knew. She needed him to know this time. She needed him to know before anyone else. It was a burning need to have him share this with her. As she was listening to April, she realized just how she was going to tell him.

After she finished her shift, she picked up Zola and told Derek that she needed to stop by the store before heading home. She went into the baby clothing store near the ferry docks and picked out the perfect t-shirt for Zola, which was actually for Derek.

When she got home, she put Zola to bed and then sat down on the couch to wait for Derek. The longer she waited the more nervous she became. This was news that would change their lives. Or it could be news that would bring more tragedy to them. She just couldn't wrap her mind around it and she needed Derek to help her.

She heard the door open and saw him come in.

"Hey, so I talked to Clemmons, he referred the tumor patient to someone over at Seattle Pres."

Meredith took a deep breath before responding. She couldn't wait any longer; she had to tell him now. "Ok, take a look at the shirt I bought Zola, it's in the bag on the counter."

Derek was a little bit surprised at this, since Meredith wasn't the kind of mother to go crazy over baby clothes. "Oh Meredith, guys don't get all goo goo over baby clothes," but he moved to look in the bag anyway, "let's see, what is this." Derek picked up the bag and pulled out the shirt seeing the words "World's Best Big Sister" written on it. As he was looking, Meredith could feel her heart beating out of her chest. When Derek turned the shirt around with a questioning look on his face, Meredith jumped up to explain.

"It's only 3 weeks, so I shouldn't even be telling you, I still have a hostile uterus and terrible things are constantly happening to us. I haven't told anyone, I haven't even told Cristina. And I swear if you tell anyone, I'll kick you out of this house that you built," Meredith rambled, in typical nervous Meredith fashion.

Derek suddenly felt like he was going to burst with excitement and happiness. He had dreamed about this moment for years. All worries about his hand and everything else fell away from his mind. He immediately moved to embrace his wife. "Don't worry and good things happen to us, we're gonna have another baby!" Derek said with a huge smile on his face.

Meredith took a moment to just enjoy the happiness of the moment. "We're gonna have another baby!" she repeated.

"Tell me everything, how did you know? When did you find out?" Derek shot off questions, wanting to share in everything with his wife.

"I was sick yesterday and then again this morning. Then when we got to work, I was sick a couple more times and somewhere in the back of my mind I started to wonder if it was possible. As soon as the idea planted itself in my head, I had to find out. I took a home test and when it was positive, I didn't believe it so I had one of my interns draw my blood. When it came back positive, I thought I was going to explode waiting to tell you."

Derek suddenly realized just how much his relationship with his wife had changed. She found out today that she was pregnant and her first instinct was to tell him. He was suddenly even more in love with her.

"Meredith, I thought I loved you as much as was humanly possible this morning, but now I know I was wrong. I have never loved you more than I do right now. You are amazing."

Hearing this, Meredith began to cry. "Will you still love me if the baby dies?" Meredith asked in a small voice.

Derek guided Meredith over to the couch and pulled her onto his lap. "Meredith, I think we have already proven to each other, that no matter what, our love remains. I will love you no matter what happens. I know you are scared after last time. I'm scared to. But we can't forget to experience the good because we are so scared of the bad. This is good and we are going to enjoy every minute of it. We're going to take each day as it comes and deal with whatever happens. And right now, what we are dealing with is wonderful. And we should celebrate."

Meredith sniffled and looked up at him. "You mean celebration sex? With your pregnant wife?" Meredith asked with a shy smile.

"Celebration sex with my pregnant wife is exactly what I had in mind." Derek responded before picking Meredith up and carrying her to their bedroom.


	2. What You Do For Family

**Glad I'm not the only one who missed the Mer/Der moments this season! **

* * *

Meredith woke up the next morning with the same nauseous feeling from the past two days. However, this time when she woke, Derek was still in bed with her. As soon as Meredith moved to make a dash for the bathroom, he was following her.

Meredith made it to the bathroom just in time to throw up, with Derek kneeling behind her, holding her hair with his good hand.

Meredith reached behind her to swat at Derek, indicating that he should leave her alone but Derek stayed put.

"Derek, I can throw up on my own, you know."

"I know, but it's my fault that you're throwing up, at least let me sit with you until you feel better."

"Fine, whatever, if you insist on staying, can you get me some water?" Meredith grumbled in response.

Derek got up and returned moments later with a glass of water while Meredith supported herself against the bathtub.

"At least I had all of those tequila hangovers to prepare for this part of being pregnant," Meredith said when she finished throwing up.

Derek chuckled at her, "Who knew tequila hangovers could be good for something?"

"I'm ok now, let's get up, Zola's going to be awake."

"Ok, do you think you could something?"

"Well, now that my morning barf session is over, I'm actually starving. Do we have time for pancakes?" Meredith asked with a smile.

"Please don't tell me you are having cravings already. Zola and I will never survive nine months if that's the case!"

"What do we tell her Derek? She's going to notice." Meredith said suddenly with a hint of panic in her voice.

"We tell her the truth, that she's going to be a big sister."

"But Derek, what if I have another miscarriage? We both know the chances of this baby surviving aren't that high. I don't even know if I can deal with that kind of heartbreak, I won't have Zola feeling something so unbearably painful Derek, she can't know what that feels like!" Meredith said, on the verge of tears.

"Ok, ok, don't panic, we won't tell her yet, we can wait, she won't notice anything for a while. It's going to be ok," Derek replied, trying to calm her down.

"Ok, ok, we wait to tell her. Derek, we have to wait to tell everyone, please! I don't want anyone knowing. Last time I was pregnant everyone found when…when it all went wrong. Everyone was there to see and I can't go through that again. Please, please don't tell anyone!"

The miscarriage was something that they had never really talked very much about. She told him one day, weeks after it had happened and after that it was like a taboo topic never to be mentioned again. He knew though that she had been deeply affected by it, more affected that she would ever want anyone to know. What he didn't realize was just how deep those wounds still ran, how much she was obviously still hurting from that loss. Of course he still hurt from it too but it was different for her.

"Meredith, I know that what happened last time was terrible. I know that it still haunts you. That out of everything we have been through, that may be the most heartbreaking of all. Sometimes I think that we never even really dealt with the miscarriage. We lost a baby Mer and it's ok to be sad about that. It's ok to be scared and freaked out about having another baby, especially after all that we've been through trying to get pregnant. But Mer, we can't let that consume us. We are expecting our third child now. We won't ever forget the one we lost but we have to celebrate the one we have with us now and the one that is on its way. Today is the first day in our lives where you and I both woke up knowing that we are expecting a baby. Let's just enjoy that right now."

Meredith was in tears by the time he stopped talking. Deep down, she knew that the miscarriage was something that they had never really dealt with. But up until now, it was something she had been able to suppress, to not think about. But ever since she realized she might be pregnant, that seemed to be at the forefront of all of her thoughts. She was terrified of losing this baby too.

"Derek, I'm scared."

"I know, me too, but we'll make it, we always do. Come on, enough with the heavy stuff, let's go make you some pancakes." Derek said, trying to help Meredith feel a little better.

They got up and Derek went into the kitchen to make breakfast while Meredith went to wake up Zola.

When everyone was ready for the day, they sat eating their pancakes at the kitchen table.

"Woah Mer, make sure you take the time to breathe!" Derek chuckled at her, realizing that she was on her second plate of pancakes before he even had a chance to start eating.

"They're just so good!"

"I aim to please." Derek responded with a grin.

"Have you thought anymore about Callie's plan for your hand?"

"Meredith, I don't want to talk about this," Derek responded, instantly tensing up. He hated any conversation that involved his hand.

"Derek, we have to talk about it. You are the one telling me to be optimistic. You need to remember that for yourself too."

"I am optimistic. I just don't want to ask one of my sisters to give me body pieces of their body. I am optimistic that this can work with a cadaver nerve."

"My sister asked me for a piece of my body once. I mean, it didn't go to her, but I gave part of my liver to Thatcher because Lexie asked. That's what you do for family, you're the one who taught me that. I didn't know what family was until I met you and now I'd do anything for my family. Lexie is all I know of the sibling bond and she's gone now but you know, I would have been so pissed at her if I could have helped her and she didn't let me. Your family loves you, let them help you."

Derek flinched at the mention of Lexie. Meredith wasn't the only one who still felt the pain of losing Little Grey and if Meredith was bringing her up in conversation, it meant that she was adamant about her point.

"Meredith, we're not talking about this anymore. Thatcher would have died without your liver. I'm not dying. I'm not asking my sisters for this and we are not discussing it anymore. It's my hand, I get to make this decision." Derek said in a tone that Meredith knew meant the conversation was over.

Without saying anything, Meredith got and began washing the dishes. She wanted to continue their discussion but she knew if they kept talking one of them was going to end up screaming at the other and they had promised each other that they would not have such arguments in front of Zola.

Derek knew she was trying not to get angry with him but he was not willing to budge on this. He was not going to put one of his sister's through the pain of surgery just so he could possibly get his hand back.

Meredith finished the dishes and moved to pick up Zola. "Come on, we need to go, I have one of the new interns on my service today, I need to make sure she hasn't killed someone already."

"Some of them don't seem so bad."

"Derek, they call me Medusa. I'm finally an attending, I get to hate them if I want."

"They call you Medusa?"

"Yeah, you know, serpent haired monster"

"I know who Medusa is, I just don't know why they call you that."

"Because…I'm me…dark and twisty."

Derek leaned over and kissed her before getting into the car, "You are so far from dark and twisty now you nearly blind with how bright and shiny you are. And you are definitely not a serpent haired monster. But I do love to watch you torture the interns," Derek said with a smirk before climbing into the car with Meredith and Zola and heading for Seattle Grace.


	3. Lone Wolf

From Love Turns You Upside Down-I hated this episode and honestly didn't think there was much of anything to add as a missing scene here

* * *

Once they arrived at the hospital, Meredith headed off to meet up with Christina for their usual morning coffee and gossip time while Derek went to drop Zola in Daycare.

"You're late," Christina said when she saw Meredith approaching.

"We're attending now, we can be late if we want to be," Meredith replied

"So, anything interesting today?" Christina asked, jumping straight into her favorite topic of conversation, surgery.

"I'm just covering the pit today; maybe something interesting will come in, what about you?"

"Tiny human hearts, that's what. Tiny human hearts with defects that need a cardio goddess to repair them," Christina stated in her typical fashion.

"Which intern did you get stuck with today?" Meredith asked, not wanting to discuss tiny humans with her person for fear that she might accidentally let her news slip.

"Ha, I got stuck with two of them! Grumpy's not so bad though, I mean she didn't kill our patient last time. Glad Weepy's not on my service today though. I don't have a name for the new one yet though. Who'd you get?"

"I think I have Brooks today. Sorry, I'll leave the nicknames to you, though I think Weirdo could be good."

"Come on, let's get coffee and go spy on them in the locker room, it'll totally freak them out!" Christina said in a slightly too happy tone.

The two friends walked to the coffee cart in the lobby together. When they arrived, Meredith suddenly realized that she wasn't going to be able to actually drink coffee for the next nine months. She suddenly had to suppress the urge to cry, knowing that she was not going to be able to have one of her favorite things for a long time. Though she knew that if it meant having a healthy baby, she would give up anything.

"Uh, I think I want tea this morning instead of coffee," Meredith said to the coffee cart attendant.

Christina looked at her with a strange look, "What the hell is wrong with you? You always drink coffee!"

Meredith knew that Christina was going to get suspicious when she didn't order coffee.

"Tea is soothing. Derek and I had a fight…thing…this morning so I wanted something comforting." Meredith answered with a shrug, trying to make it not seem like a big deal.

"A fight thing? What does that even mean?"

"We didn't actually fight, I mean, not like we usually do, no yelling or insane drinking, but we just…had a disagreement."

"Well, what did you disagree about?"

"His hand. Callie wants to replace the nerve and obviously a nerve from a live donor would work better but that would mean it would have to come from one of his sisters and so he is refusing to do it. He wants to use a cadaver. Jackson is working on finding a nerve that is long enough today, but it's just, it doesn't have as good a chance of working. I want him to ask one of his sisters, I mean, he's got enough that someone must be willing."

"McDreamy wants to use a cadaver? Is he stupid? Everyone knows a live donor is better. Your husband is seriously an idiot sometimes Mer."

"You don't have to tell me. I just want him to be happy again and that's not going to happen until he gets back into the O.R."

"Well come on, lets go torture the interns for the day, that'll cheer you up!"

I like the way you think!"

With that, the friends moved into the locker room to see how badly they could frighten the new interns for the day.

Later that day, after more arguing with Derek and having one of her interns and possibly Callie find out about her pregnancy, Meredith was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to just go home. She approached the nurse's station and saw Derek waiting for her. As soon as she saw him, she knew that he was still not happy with her. Just as they were about to launch into another argument, Heather Brooks cut them off and let them both know that they had crossed a line. Meredith knew that it had been completely unfair to ask Brooks to help her go behind Derek's back but if she learned anything from Lexie's death, it was that she would literally do anything for her family. What she was not willing to do however, was accept Derek's family as her family.

"Nice to see you Mer, now somebody better show me some pictures of my niece before I let anyone chop my nerves into hamburger meat!"

Meredith suddenly found herself feeling claustrophobic. She wanted one of Derek's sister's to help him but she hadn't really thought about how that would mean having to spend time with them.

"Lizzie, what the hell are you doing here? Go home!" Derek spat in a very angry tone.

"Well, I love you too big brother."

"Lizzie, it's good to see you, it is, but you should never have been called about this, this isn't what I want."

"Well, it's too bad you can't always get what you want. I'm here now so I want to see my niece and I want to see the house in the woods! At least pretend to be excited to see me!"

"Ok, I can be excited to see you as long as we don't talk about my hand, not tonight anyway, I can't talk anymore."

"Ok, we can save that for tomorrow. Meredith, why haven't you guys been out to visit?"

Derek knew that was a sore subject because not only did Meredith not like big family gatherings, she still wasn't able to get on a plane without having a panic attack. He jumped in to answer for her, "Lizzie, we're busy, Mer just started her fellowship, and we're trying to get things settled down her a little, don't push it."

"I was just asking!"

"I don't…um…we…airplanes…they're not really my thing anymore," Meredith stuttered.

Lizzie was slightly shocked, having forgotten that the whole reason Derek needed her in the first place was because they were in a plane crash.

Meredith suddenly turned and ran toward the bathroom, having felt the now familiar sense of nausea creeping up on her.

"Der, I didn't mean to make her that upset."

Derek, knowing what was happening, just shook his head, "She's not upset, she's just not been feeling so great today. We need to get home. You're welcome to stay with us if you want."

"What, you mean see the elusive Shepherd mansion and meet my niece? I feel privileged!"

"You should!" Derek shot back at her, "I need to go check on Mer, wait here."

Derek left her to go find his wife who was exactly where he thought she'd be, slumped over the toilet in the women's bathroom.

"Mer, are you ok?" He asked as he pulled her hair back.

"I thought you were too mad at me to hover right now," Meredith replied when she finished throwing up.

"I am mad Mer, you knew I didn't want this. But you are also my wife and you are pregnant and sick, I might get angry, but for the next nine months you get a free pass. I can't stay angry at you when I know you're busy growing our baby. So I'm always going to be hovering. But just so we're clear, we're not finished discussing this thing with Lizzie. She's coming home with us to meet Zola and see the house, I told her she could stay there."

"Oh, ok. I don't think she likes me very much."

"That's not true, she's not like Nancy. I mean, she's pushy, she's from New York, she had no choice! But she isn't mean."

"Ok, I just…I'm not good with sisters."

"Mer, you were a great sister. Lizzie and the others just want to be like sisters to you too."

"I know…do you think we could go now, I'm just so tired?"

"Sure, I told Liz that you were under the weather, so she'll understand. Did you have a chance to schedule your ultrasound today?"

"I did, but then they called to reschedule. And when they called my intern answered the phone! Brooks knows! And Callie might know too!"

"Well, guess you shouldn't have given her your cell phone," Derek said with a smirk

"I thought you weren't going to be an ass to your pregnant wife?"

"I can't help myself sometimes, come on, let's go face the lone wolf."


	4. To Have Loved and Lost

_From Run Baby Run:_

"Derek, the doctor called and they have an opening for the ultrasound today at 1, can you make it?"

"I don't see why not, it's not like I'm actually doing surgery anymore."

"Well you will be once Lizzie and Callie help you."

"Mer, we've been over this, I don't want to do it like that," Derek grumbled.

Meredith sat up and pushed Derek away from her, "Derek, I'm pregnant. As in, going to have another baby, unless the universe decides to strike us down again and my hostile uterus craps out and we don't have another baby. But really, I'm trying to be positive here and looking on the bright side, in a few months we are going to have another baby. That's 2 children Derek. Two small children! You have to get your hand fixed because I am going to need you! These children are going to need you! What if we have a son who needs someone to teach him how to play basketball? I can't do that! That's your job! Or if he wants to play the guitar! You have to teach him or her! There are things I can't do Derek! I'm not cut out for some of this! You need to get your wrist fixed so that you can do that stiff! And because you are the best neurosurgeon in the world! You can do things that no one else can do! You save people's lives that otherwise would have died! You are amazing! Please Derek, if you don't do this, five years from now you are going to look back on this and regret it! You have the chance to fix things and if you don't take it then you are stuck with this and we can never move on from this stupid plane crash!"

"Wow, Mer, did you even take a breath?" Derek joked playfully when Meredith finished her rant.

"Derek!" Meredith sighed.

"Mer, you're right ok, we do have another child on the way and I want more than anything to be able to teach him or her how to fish, how to play the guitar, even how to be a surgeon and to do that I need my hand. I can't make any promises but I will at least listen to what Callie and Jackson have to say today."

"Thank you Derek." Meredith said as she kissed him in the cheek.

"Now can you maybe make bacon for breakfast?'

"Bacon? Mer that's so unhealthy! Can't we have something at least a little less greasy?"

"Der! Your baby wants bacon, are you going to say no to your child?" Meredith said with a pout

"Ugh, of course not! I can't say no to the baby and I definitely can't say no to you." Derek relented while getting out of bed.

* * *

Later that night, while Derek and Meredith were talking in bed

"Derek, are you still awake?"

"Kind of," Derek mumbled

"Did I tell you Bailey asked me to be a bridesmaid?"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, well, she told me not to sit down at the wedding and Callie translated for me that she was asking me to be a bridesmaid."

"So you are going to be wearing a sexy bridesmaid dress and I'm going to miss it?"

"I promise I will let you see me in my sexy dress…which I don't actually have…my fancy red dress is too tight, it would make people ask questions…I have to buy a new one."

"A new sexy red dress and I am missing it? That's even worse!" Derek groaned

"I'll make it up to you when your hand is better, I promise!" Meredith said with a giggle

"I am so holding you to that!" Derek replied before kissing her chastely

"So, I had a fight with Lizzie today…"

"What do you mean you had a fight with Lizzie?"

"She wants to be my sister."

"That's a good thing Mer, it means she likes you. She's not like Nancy, I swear!"

"I know she's not like Nancy. I actually like her, that's the problem."

"I'm not following you."

"Zola can't lose another aunt. I can't…I can't love another sister only to lose her like…like Lexie," Meredith explained as she began to cry.

"Oh Mer, that's not going to happen," Derek tried to comfort her

Meredith jerked away from him immediately, "You can't know that! We lost Lexie, we lost Mark, we are probably going to lose another baby! You can't say that won't happen, those things always happen!"

"Ok, you're right, I can't say that. But Mer, if you could go back, would you trade the relationship you had with Lexie for not having to feel the pain of losing her?"

"I loved her, I know I've probably never said that before but I did. I wouldn't trade being her sister for anything."

"I know you wouldn't, and I'm not saying that Lizzie can replace Lexie, no one can do that, but maybe you could have a relationship with her too, maybe you should just give it a try? Even if something happens, at least you will know that you had the chance to know her as a sister."

Meredith sniffled and then laid her head on Derek's shoulder, "Maybe I could try…"

"Trying is good and you know, the same thing can be said for our baby." Derek said with a smile

"I'm trying, I really am, but today…seeing it…it's so real now. We actually made a baby and I'm so scared of losing it, but it's too late…I already love him or her."

"I love him or her too and I have a good feeling about it, the universe owes us."

"I have a good feeling about this surgery too, it's going to work and you're going to be back to you neuro god self in no time and we will finally be able to move on from all of this."

"I love you Meredith, and I love you too baby," Derek said as he turned out the lights

"I love you too, both of you."

* * *

**a/n I didn't really want to get into the whole family dynamic with Lizzie, that seems like its own story, so I didn't feellik e there was a lot left in the Christmas episodes to talk about so this one is short and a little boring **


	5. Hope Survives Tragedy

**Things We Said Today (Which was sadly lacking in MerDer moments!)**

* * *

Meredith left Adele Webber's hospital room with only one thing on her mind: Finding Derek. Even though she knew he had just had surgery and would probably be sleeping, she just needed to see him, to feel the sense of safety that his mere presence provided, even if no words were spoken. Seeing Richard and Adele going through something so traumatic brought one of her greatest fears to the surface: She was terrified that she would get Alzheimer's and make Derek and Zola and the new baby go through what she went through with her mother and what Richard went through with Adele. But she was also terrified of ending up like her mother or Adele herself.

She entered his room and noticing he was awake, immediately climbed into bed with him.

"Hey," Derek said, turning to face her.

"Hey," Meredith sighed.

"Promise me you won't put me in a home if I get Alzheimer's."

"You ok?"

"Yeah, just promise."

"I promise"

"Thank you."

"What brought this on?" Derek asked, confused by his wife's sudden melancholy mood.

"Nothing…I just, Bailey and I just finished surgery on Adele Webber."

That caught Derek's attention immediately, "What happened? Is she ok? Is Richard ok?"

"She had a ruptured aortic aneurysm. It was the biggest one I've ever seen but I think we fixed it. She was stable when we took her up to recovery. But Derek, Richard, he was so devastated and he's blaming himself for not checking on her more. He…" Meredith trailed off as she began to cry.

"Shh, it's ok Mer, don't cry." Derek said as he tried to wipe away her tears with his one free hand.

"Derek, Richard is the only father I've ever known. Thatcher….he hasn't been my dad in a long time but Richard tried to take care of me even when I didn't want him to. He already lost my mother, it's not fair for him to lose Adele too." Meredith explained as she continued to cry quietly.

Derek always knew Richard and Meredith had a special relationship but he had never heard her actually acknowledge it before.

"I know you were angry with me about your trial and I know we have moved on but Derek, I just…I had to help him, I know what it's like for someone you love to look you in the eye and have no idea who you are and I didn't want that for him but it happened anyway! And I don't want that for you or Zola or our new baby. I don't want to forget you and only be able to remember the bad times over and over!" Meredith was starting to cry even harder now and gasp for breath.

"Meredith, shh, breathe, just breathe. I know why you did what you did with the trial. Mer, you have such a big heart and you are always trying to help other people, no matter what it costs you and I love you so much for that. I know I was angry about the trial but Mer, you're right, we've moved on and I…I never really apologized to you for how I treated you after that. You're the love of my life and I should always have your back, even when we disagree. From now on, I WILL always have your back, no matter what. Even if you get Alzheimer's and only remember the bad times, I'll spend every day reminding you of the good times." Derek replied in a soothing voice.

"You promise?" Meredith asked, finally catching her breath

"I promise."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to have a freak out on you when I know you are tired and in pain," Meredith sniffled.

"Mer, you can freak out to me anytime you want, especially while you're pregnant." Derek said with a small smile.

"I told Lizzie tonight"

"Told Lizzie what?"

"I told her that I'm pregnant," Meredith whispered

"Mer…that's great." Derek replied in awe

"You mean you're not mad?"

"Mad? Why would I be mad? I think it's awesome that you told her"

"But…you wanted to tell her and I wouldn't let you."

"I just wanted her to know. She's my family Mer and I just wanted her to know that best news I've ever had to share, I don't care who told her. I'm so proud of you for telling her though."

"You are?"

"Of course I am, I know how hard that was for you. That took a lot of faith."

"It did…because I'm still terrified…I still haven't even told Cristina."

"I know…but you'll tell her when the time is right."

"How is your hand?"

"I'm still on too much pain medicine to know," Derek said with a laugh, "But I think you might have been right, somehow I just feel like this is going to work. You restored my hope Mer."

"Stop being cheesy!" Meredith giggled before leaning to kiss him.

Just as their lips met they heard a throat clear from the doorway.

"Grey, if you can tear yourself away from your dreamy patient for a minute, I'd like to get married sometime this year!" Bailey stated with her typical air of impatience.

"I'm coming Dr. Bailey!" Meredith said as she got out of the bed

"I'll be back after the wedding," Meredith said before leaning down to whisper in Derek's ear, "Since I will be painfully sober, I'll be back soon!"

Derek grabbed her hand just before she moved away, "I love you Meredith."

"I love you too."

* * *

Later that night, Meredith returned to Derek's room once again on the verge of tears.

"Meredith, what's wrong? Don't tell me you've become one of those weepy females who cried at weddings!" Derek tried to joke with her

Before she could even get the door closed, she was sobbing again.

"Mer, tell me," Derek said with a gentle forcefulness, trying not to panic at seeing his wife so upset

"She…she…I…Adele…she…died." Meredith managed to get out in between sobs.

"Oh Mer," Derek whispered before wrapping his good arm around her shoulders to allow her to lay her head on his shoulders.

"Just…hold me Derek, please."

"I can do that." Derek said as he pulled her a little closer

"I'm so tired of all the death!" Meredith wailed

"I know, baby, I know, me too."

"We've had enough, how much more tragedy can we take?"

"Mer, we can take whatever we have to take, we're strong, we'll get through this, Richard will get through this and we'll help him, he's our family."

"Thank you Derek." Meredith said as her tears began to slow.

Within minutes, Derek could hear soft snores coming from his wife indicating that she had fallen asleep. As he watched her sleep he couldn't help but let his eyes travel down to her stomach which was just beginning to show signs of the life housed there. The sight never failed to bring a smile to his face, no matter what else life threw at them. Derek knew that they had been through an unbelievable amount of tragedy but he also couldn't help the hope that blossomed within him at the sight of his pregnant wife sleeping contently in his arms. Despite all the tragedy surrounding them, they still had each other and they still had hope.


	6. Secret Shared

"Meredith, your first trimester is over, trying and relax, tell your twisted sister, she'll be happy for you."

Meredith continued to lay in bed after Derek got up to go make breakfast and check on Zola. She knew she should be excited about the end of her first trimester, but no matter how much Derek reassured her or how far her pregnancy progressed, she simply couldn't shake the fear that invaded every cell of her body. She was honestly terrified that something terrible was going to happen and the last thing she wanted was for everyone to know if the worst did occur. She wished she could just be a normal happy crazy hormonal pregnant lady instead of typical dark and twisty Meredith.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Derek came back into the room carrying a tray with pancakes and decaf coffee for her. Before he could even give her the food, Meredith was off the bed and in the bathroom throwing up. Realizing that the smell of the food had made her sick, Derek quickly took the food out of the room and then rushed back to hold her hair.

"I thought this was supposed to end after the first trimester," Meredith moaned

"Sometimes it takes a little longer, it's still pretty early. If it doesn't stop soon, we'll talk to your doctor about it."

"We're going to be late," Meredith whispered as she tried to catch her breath.

"I think this is a justified reason"

"But we can't tell anyone!" Meredith said frantically

"Ok, ok, we won't, we can just tell them our child was being difficult. It's not a lie but everyone would think we meant Zola," Derek replied, trying to make sure his wife didn't add freaking out on top of her already brutal round of morning sickness.

"Ok, I think I'm done now," Meredith said after several minutes of nonstop vomiting.

"Do you need anything? Want me to get you some water?"

"Actually…I know this is totally weird but I'm starving. Can you maybe bring me some…um…I really want a peanut butter sandwich." Meredith said, feeling a blush covering her checks.

"A peanut butter sandwich? For breakfast? That's really what you want?"

"Yeah…with mustard!" Meredith exclaimed enthusiastically

"No pickles?" Derek asked trying to be funny

"Ew, Derek, that's gross! Who would want that?" Meredith said making a disgusted face

"Ok…just so I'm clear, peanut butter and mustard is ok but pickles are gross?" Derek asked, looking totally confused

"Exactly! Will you please make it for me? I'm so hungry!"

"Of course I will, anything other requests?"

"A milkshake! With…chocolate…anything chocolate!"

"Yes dear," Derek said with a smile. He loved watching how excited Meredith would suddenly get over food. In all the years he had known her, he had never seen her eyes light up the way they currently did at the mention of any food she was craving at the moment. It also warmed his heart when she would come to him and ask him to get her whatever she was craving. He loved being able to help her in any little way. Witnessing the little changes in her caused by the pregnancy was stunning to him and he had never found her more beautiful and enticing. However, he knew that she wouldn't be able to hide the change much longer and she was going to have to come to terms with telling people and soon.

"Hey wait a sec! Meredith shouted before he could get too far down the hall

"Did you think of something else you want?" He asked as he walked back into their bedroom

"No, you ass! I do think about things other than food you know!" Meredith said in a burst of irritation. This was another change which Derek secretly found incredibly cute. Meredith's moods would change in nanosecond and he sometimes had a hard time keeping up, but he still loved it.

"Ok, I'm sorry, that was uncalled for…what did you need?"

"I just wanted to ask how your hand is today. It's your first day back but I forgot to ask earlier, with the vomiting and all"

"Oh, it feels great actually. I really think it worked this time. I feel stronger than I have since before the crash."

"That's great news!" Meredith said excitedly

"Yes it is," Derek replied moving to kiss her

Meredith turned her head away before he could reach her lips. "No way buddy, I'm too hungry to get distracted!" Meredith said with a laugh.

* * *

Later that evening, after a day filled with life changing news, Meredith found herself finally giving in, despite her fears, and telling Cristina, Callie, and Arizona at dinner about being pregnant.

"Meredith, this is even better news than the settlement!" Callie exclaimed in her usual excited manner while Derek stepped away to talk to Owen.

"How far along are you?" Arizona asked

""Twelve weeks, exactly…today"

"You're out of your first trimester! That's amazing! Is the morning sickness getting better?" Callie replied

"No, not at all!" Meredith said with a grimacing, remembering the episode from earlier in the day.

"Don't worry, it'll get better, and then you will want to eat everything in sight."

"I already want to do that. I want to eat everything in sight and then I hurl. That's the story of my life right now."

"Yeah, you should've seen her putting away Webber's pity cookies today!" Drunk Cristina chimed in

"You noticed that?" Meredith asked, shocked

"Of course I noticed that, and your huge boobs!"

"My boobs are not huge!"

"Uh Mer…no offense but yeah, they are!"

"Fine, they are, but seriously? You knew and you didn't say anything?"

"I wanted you to tell me! You knew about Owen and didn't tell me."

"Ok, fine."

"Speaking of Owen, I need to go get him to come over here!" Cristina said before getting up and grabbing the phone out of Derek's hand.

"You know Mer, I've been pregnant and I know how scary that can be, if you know, you need a friend or something who understands that, you know, I can sympathize with the puking and the cravings, and the boobs…and all the stuff that is yet to come…well, except for labor, since I was unconscious for Sophia's birth…"

"Thanks Callie, I'm probably going to take you up on that offer since you and Bailey are like the only two people I know who have actually had a baby."

"Haha, do you remember when Bailey's son was born? That was a crazy day!"

"Of course I remember that day…well, not all of it, since I was unconscious then!" Meredith said with a slight laugh

"Wait, what? What happened?" Arizona asked

"Oh, that's right, you weren't here back then." Meredith said

"Bailey's husband got into a car accident on the way to the hospital and Derek had to operate on him while Bailey was in labor but Bailey refused to push because her husband wasn't there. And then this guy came into the ER with an unexploded bomb in his chest cavity. And a paramedic was holding her hand on the bomb keeping it from going off."

"Seriously? How did I not know about this before?"

"Know about what?" Derek asked as he returned to the able

"There was a bomb at Seattle Grace! While Bailey was giving birth!"

"Oh, that," Derek said, visibly shaken by the memory.

"Ok, is there more to this story?"

"The paramedic panicked and let go of the bomb but I was an idiot and reached in and put my hand where hers had been. So I spent the day with my hand on live, unexploded ammunition."

"And that bomb squad guy kept yelling at you!" Cristina said as she sat down

"Yeah, but he was just trying to keep us all safe," Meredith said as she remembered yet another death she had dealt with in her time at Seattle Grace Mercy Death.

"So what happened? Obviously, you didn't blow up"

"No, we removed the bomb and saved the patient, but when the bomb squad was taking the bomb outside, it exploded…they all died."

"And Mer got caught in the blast, knocked out. It was terrifying."

"Yeah, screwed her up for a while!" Cristina piped in, getting more drunk by the second.

"I watched people turn into pink mist right in front of me!" Meredith said, suddenly finding herself getting angry.

"Oh, here comes a mood swing!" Cristina said

"Shut up! You guys are all sitting here drinking when I can't and you want to relive one of the most difficult days of my life! Can we please talk about something else!" Meredith said, nearly shouting

"Yeah, let's talk about something else," Derek chipped in, wanting to calm his wife down and also wanting to change the subject himself.

"Sure, sorry I brought it up." Callie said

"It's ok, just…I had a patient today with a giant hairball."

Cristina nearly spit her wine out at that, "What?"

Everyone at the table looked a little miffed

"A teenage girl who ate so much of her hair, that Webber and I removed a giant hairball from her!" Meredith said, suddenly feeling much calmer

"That is too gross to even comment on." Arizona said with a laugh

Despite everything, Meredith found herself actually enjoying the evening, once the conversation moved away from the plane crash and the bomb incident. Even though Callie and Arizona hadn't been part of her family a few months before, after everything they had been through together, out in the woods with Arizona, and through all the losses with both of them, Meredith suddenly found herself viewing these people like family. And she was happy with her decision to share her pregnancy news with her family. Though she also knew there were several more members of her family she needed to tell. And she needed to let Derek tell the rest of his family as well.

* * *

**I really wanted to see Mer telling Alex and Bailey and Richard, and maybe even April, so don't worry, I'm getting there! **


End file.
